I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
