Me too!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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