There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
