I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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