I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When are your genitals available?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
