i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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