Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
