I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
