i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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