after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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