i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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