I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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