to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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