and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
