Your tits are I can't wait for
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
