who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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