I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You are the jesus of drinking
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize