i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
