The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
