god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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