yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
