just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
