piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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