it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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