Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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