my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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