This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
