Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
