Got a toothbrush?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
