dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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