The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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