They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
