I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
