Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize