too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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