hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
