i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you didnt know i had herpes?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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