Christians are straight up FREAKS
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
