Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize