i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
