giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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