well I can't set my house on fire every night
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My ass is underappreciated
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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