i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
