??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
