well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
