I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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