i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
