haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
