Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
