so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize