I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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