I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
