I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize