Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
