I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
