I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
