Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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