the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
