Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
