Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
