You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
