i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
