They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
