I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just gargled with NyQuil
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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