I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
